What is a good way to deal with the people you hate? I’ve taken on the job of insulting one of my most hated personages, hopefully without, in the process, reaching a level as low as is my esteem for this clown. Below is the list of insults, which may, in the future, grow. Enjoy!

Mr. Cortisol

Mr. “You can’t compute this irrelevant integral, therefore I am right.”

Mr. “I am good at probability theory, therefore the world is random.”

Mr. “I claim to be stoic, even though any Greek philosopher would eventually slap me in the face for my lack of respect.”

Mr. “I insult people after they die, ha ha ha!”

Mr. “Ad hominem is my greatest weapon.”

Mr. “I pretend to be a polyglot but stutter when I utter anything that is not grotesque.”

Mr. “I blabber more than the opposite sex.”

Mr. “I will never be a Greek. Ever.”

Mr. “I fight verbosity with an even more verbose retort.”

Mr. “There are no problems in the world, because I have none.”

Mr. “See this plot that is in no way related to the phenomenon? It explains why I am right and you are wrong.”

Mr. “Trust the data, because it comes from the government.”

Mr. “America is the best nation, you only know of its corruption because of its goodwilled transparency.”

Mr. “Trust the pharmaceutical industry, because never in the past have they falsified their research to get their latest ‘innovation’ to be sold.”

Mr. “I have a million followers and it surely hasn’t made me overestimate my worth.”

Mr. “I love being a cult leader.”

Mr. “When I’m outsmarted, I hit the ‘block’ button.”

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